If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
