i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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