didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
