I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
