So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
