You surviving the open bar?
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so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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