I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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