I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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