Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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