if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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