What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
