we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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