She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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