Can Purell be used as lube?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
