Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
