There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize