that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
