do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
