xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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