She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
