3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
