actually, I'm a sock model
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize