The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
