my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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