Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
