I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
