dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
