i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
