Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did I show you my penis last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Less talking, more tequila
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
