me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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