i think my mom watched the whole time
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
