HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
