I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
