I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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