every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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