i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
