So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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