You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
