if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
