speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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