I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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