is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
