just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
