My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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