i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
