Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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