You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
