i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i now understand why vodka
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