Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
