You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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