Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
