farters have to be the big spoon...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
