first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
