My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
