This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
