Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
