I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
