I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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