u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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