Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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