we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
