my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
