So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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