no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
