I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
