her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
