I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
