I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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