I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.