Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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