about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
