OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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