Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
